Friday, July 22, 2011

Joke of the day

So today I was having a super crappy morning at work.

Then, I met with a group of Vice Presidents and Managing Directors to discuss the financial results for the end of the 2nd quarter. Many of them were talking about future projects, profits in the second half of the year and even merging with another financial services firm to expand our office. It was interesting since my boss brought in a corporate finance attorney who worked for a lot of dot.coms in the Silicon Valley back in the late 90's.  His name was Andy* the Attorney, and he was a very enthusiastic guy. He was jumping up and down the halls with his presentation kits, smiling and I am sure he could have used some decaf coffee. He has served in house counsel for many large corporation and successful entrepreneurial ventures. Andy had been working in corporate America for a very long time.

He gave our project team a big lecture on the benefits of merging with XYZ company, and how if we buy them out, then our product diversification mix will grow substantially. We will have more clients, industries and function groups to work with our clients. He was so enthusiastic, our entire staff gave him a standing ovation after his lecture.

After his lecture, I had a lunch meeting with him and 3 guys in my department.

He used to work for one of the biggest coffee house chains in the world. I will give you a hint, the company starts with the letter "S" and is based out of the west coast. This company does NOT franchise its coffee houses anymore, but for a brief time back in the mid 90's, they used to offer some franchises.

He started telling me about the franchise process and how he would get investors to join this GIGANTIC coffee house chain. During lunch, he stood up and started running around our table in circles, moving so fast and telling me about the marketing, products, start up money and so on. He then said "To buy a coffee house franchise with (guess the company name?) back in 1995 , you needed to have  5 million dollars in liquid assets. Then you need to qualify with good credit, and then there is the training.."

Suddenly I started laughing in the middle of lunch. My boss looked at me like I was crazy. The other co workers looked at me like I was out of my mind. Andy the Attorney wouldn't stop talking about this coffee house. Andy started to get bothered by me laughing, and then I looked up at him.

 I said, "Andy, If I had 5 million dollars in liquid assets, I sure as hell wouldn't be buying a coffee shop. I don't know what the hell you are smoking, but if I had 5 million dollars in cash I would be in Hawaii. I'm Sorry. That is wrong, but that is funny!"

Then my boss started laughing.

Ok so it really wasn't that funny of a joke of the day, but it made my day a little better! I guess it was one of those "you had to be there" moments and you weren't there. Oh well, have a great weekend everyone!

- The Poor Paralegal

*name has been changed to protect privacy


  1. The attorney sounds like he has a coke problem.

  2. Seems pretty funny to me - but nonsense usually is

  3. Absolutely the worst and most unprofessional agency I have worked with and I have worked with most all of them.

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